Aries (March 21 to April 19)
Your horoscope time to shine is almost up. Take this week to revel in the fact you just had 29 days where you were the first zodiac listed on the horoscope page.
Taurus (April 20 to May 20)
FRIDAY IS THE START OF TAURUS SEASON! Let your instincts guide you. Just do not let that instinct be not studying for your upcoming finals.
Gemini (May 21 to June 20)
This week might be a little rough but there are always people around you willing to support you.
Cancer (June 21 to July 22)
Your week might be stressful. You know what the solution is? Say no to everything. Drop out of school. Open a bakery that only sells vegan dog treats.
Leo (July 23 to Aug. 22)
This week is going to be pretty normal. That means that you should try unicycling. Add DANGER and INSTABILITY to your life. Don’t wear a helmet. Enter the DANGER ZONE.
Virgo (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22)
Get excited about the end of the year. Hopefully, that means less stress and a more manageable schedule.
Libra (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22)
This week you gotta be extra edgy. Think an extra thick pointy rock.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)
Your emotions need to be put in check. They are as malleable and ever-changing as a blob of putty.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21)
Do not let people get you down. Walk into every single place like you own it. Proceed to mark everything as your territory. Assert your dominance.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19)
Fix yourself. Don’t move furniture at 4 a.m. That’s rude as heck.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)
You can achieve whatever you set your mind to. Stick to your goals like the command strip that is inevitably going to pull the paint off your walls.
Pisces (Feb. 19 to March 20)
This is one of the last weeks you will have to all out BRAWL with your college friends. Schedule a good ol’ fight soon and invite them all. Except do not actually fight, make it friendly.