A modest proposal for the Darrell Krueger library

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Hannah Jones/Winonan

Greetings, valued directors, coordinators and staff of the Winona State University Darrell Krueger Library,

Allow me to begin with praise for your excellent facility.

The Darrell Krueger Library provides a comfortable, quiet setting for students to complete their work, and offers a glut of resources for research, reference and self-betterment.

That being said, allow me now to point out that, with regard to this wonderful facility and the students that study there, we have a crisis on our hands.

The study rooms are constantly filling up. I believe it is related to the fact that casual, drop-in studiers keep sequestering the rooms before these hardcore studiers can reserve and secure them.

This leaves the students with full-time workloads, various essays and research projects due simultaneously and about 16 overdue chapter reading responses without a designated space and forced to share an entire floor with their colleagues.

For truly dedicated students, this is unacceptable.

The library main floors are no place for a busy student to get work done, because of the frequent distractions. For example, sometimes other students will bring in granola bars and chew them. Loudly.

I would like to set forth a modest proposal that will correct this imbalance: a priority system for study rooms.

The registration system for the study rooms can simply be programmed to force the student to enter his or her credit load, and those with higher credit loads will get priority for the room.

In fact, in the full stages of my plan, I propose that those students with high credit loads who come to the library daily simply be permitted to reserve a room permanently for a small fee: either for an academic year, or for the duration of the student’s college career.

Of course, this necessary measure would require some additional changes. With students spending so much time in their own private study rooms, they would need space to store their things: lockers, cupboards and miniature fridges for their packed lunches.

It may also be necessary to extend library hours though the night and into the next day. Students will want to spend as much time in their study rooms as possible to get the most out of their investment.

To accommodate these students further, I also suggest installing a small bunk for sleep in case the student has to stay in the library overnight, or has simply started to black out after too much Chaucer.

Over time, a cafeteria should be installed, so students will not have to pack lunches for entire weeks.

Staying in the same room for days at a time may wear on the students’ bodies, so I also propose the installation of a shower facility, a workout room and a barbershop. This may necessitate repurposing the library’s main floors to make room for these new installments. The cost of construction can be absorbed into student tuition. I believe most students will see reason and regard this as a modest investment in their own education.

I believe this solution is the most sensible and the easiest to accomplish in the face of this problem. Perhaps it would not be necessary if students would moderate their credit loads, take fewer classes, avoid overloading themselves and leaving some time away from school to nurture their physical, social and emotional health. However, I think you will agree that my proposal has a greater likelihood of success.

I thank you for hearing out my proposal, and wait eagerly for your replies so we can begin construction as soon as possible.

Contact Hannah at [email protected]