Throughout October, Winona State University’s Title IX Office put on weekly webinars surrounding the topics of rape and violence within relationships to teach viewers to recognize the signs of unsafe relationships and the resources to deal with these situations. For the final Title IX webinar talking about the importance of consent within relationships, Haley Karlson and Patrick McIntyre spoke to attendees about reading signs, setting boundaries and taking action against nonconsensual situations. They emphasized the importance of enthusiastic consent throughout sex through interactive questions and demonstrative anecdotes.
Although 13% of all students on college campuses experience sexual assault, only about one in five students report what they experienced either for fear of consequences, belief that it wouldn’t help or be worth it or because they are unsure of who to turn to, according to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN).
In order to prevent these circumstances, it is important for people to be able to recognize signs that someone is uncomfortable and when it is time to step back. These signs can be delivered in a hard no, which is easy to identify, and a soft no, which while harder to pick up on at times, is still equally important to respect.
Karlson and McIntyre acted out different scenarios, asking viewers to point out moments in which a person was portraying signs of a “soft no,” including looking away or uncomfortable, changing the topic or physically moving away. It is also important to be able to pick up on these signs as a bystander, so that a person can recognize unsafe situations and help actively prevent sexual assault from happening to others. Three methods in doing this are distracting, directing or delegating.
Distraction is a great method for remaining uninvolved but still stepping up to act when you see someone looking uncomfortable– it could be as easy as turning off the music or directing attention towards yourself. Directing involves more assertiveness, but it can be helpful for someone who is feeling unsafe. Directing approaches can include asking a person if they are okay, pulling them away from the situation and standing up to whoever is making them uncomfortable. Delegating is also an option for people who don’t want to be directly involved, and just want to let someone else know that there is an unsafe situation so that that person can step in to help.
Karlson and McIntyre ended the webinar by reminding listeners about the importance of supporting victims and seeking help if they find themselves in an unsafe situation. If someone confides in another about being coerced or forced into having sex, an important step for that person to take is to listen.
“You let them speak, you give them the opportunity to talk to you, you don’t pressure them for details, especially things that can lead to victim blaming,” McIntyre said. “You can offer resources that you may know available to you, but you never make someone do something they don’t want to do, you just be a good friend who listens and believes what they have to say.”
Any person who finds themselves in or around this situation, it is important to talk to somebody. A major problem surrounding rape and assault is victims being too afraid or embarrassed to step forward. Of female college victims, only 20% report being sexually assaulted or abused. “This is not something you have to deal with alone,” Karlson reminded listeners, “You could talk to a friend, you could talk to a family member, law enforcement or a counselor that maybe is available at your school.”
For anonymous help receiving resources, RAINN Network National Crisis Hotline offers support and can be reached at 1-800-656-4673. Everyone deserves to feel safe and satisfied when having sex and that can only be achieved through full, enthusiastic consent.
