It never fails.

Just when you think you’re home free, your residence hall in sight, your book bag not getting any lighter, your body practically burning with the desire to cuddle up inside with your laptop and mindless TV, it happens.

A faint rumble issues forth from the earth itself, a warning. You feel it before you hear it, first in your toes, and then your legs. You look ahead, registering the train tracks twenty feet away, and your destination just beyond them.

As you do the math, you have a split second to fret, panic, run or stay put before the alarm bells go off. The railroad crossing lights flare and belt out that shrill, tinny, repetitive ring that induces even the kindest, most level-headed people to immediately kick the first furry animal that happens to cross them at that instant. Then, it comes. The train.

At least a couple times a week, I’m forced to watch a lumbering line of cars come between me and wherever I’m going, and keep coming… and coming… and coming.

After I’ve punted the nearest squirrel, there’s nothing to do but watch.

The trains pose several notable problems in a college student’s daily routine, and when it comes to an unstoppable chain of 50-ton cars, prevention is definitely the best medicine. Here are a few nasty situations, and how best to avoid them.

1. Getting to Class on Time? Freight Not.

You can cross those accursed train tracks a hundred times, and odds are, you are most likely to be stopped by a train the one time you are running late. You can ease the risk by setting out a little early, but other than that, it’s hard to contend with a mile-long stretch of cargo going 49 miles per hour. Here, you have two options: simply show up late, or leap out front of the mile-long stretch of cargo going 49 miles per hour.

…I’m sure your professor will understand.

2. When You’ve Gotta Go

The Amtrak passes through the Winona station for three explicit functionary periods: during arrival, during departure and whenever you have to go to the bathroom. This can’t always be prevented by planning ahead; when nature calls, we answer. End of story.

3. Well, This is Awkward

Every once in a while, we run into people with which, for one reason or another, we would rather kick ourselves in the head than start a conversation. You may cross the street on the way back from the gym in an effort to avoid speaking to him or her. You may behave as though you’re in an Olympic speed walking competition and pass that weirdo up before anything unfortunate can transpire. No matter what you do, however, a train will assuredly bustle in out of nowhere and trap you with this person. Obvious remedies include pretending to read or faking an incoming phone call. My personal favorite: tell them that you really have to go to the bathroom.

We can’t stop the train, but at the very least we can face it prepared. The next time you’re stuck behind more coal carts than you think America actually uses in a given year, make the best of the situation. Then imagine every train-explosion scene you’ve ever seen in an action movie. It always helps me feel a little better.